i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
