im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
