i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
