my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
