There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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