i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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