I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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