So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
