mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
