I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
