I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
