Your face is a jimmy john
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
