Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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