His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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