Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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