I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
