8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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