i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
