I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
