I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
