Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
