I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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