She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
