btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
