He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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