were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
