I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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