Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
