we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
