giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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