If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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