i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
