Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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