Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
