he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
