She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
