I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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