he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
