who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Say something about gay babies.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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