yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
