She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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