oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We are two peas in an std pod
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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