Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
