It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
