Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
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i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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