i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
