I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
