I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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