well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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