we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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