forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
