Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
