billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
