I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
