If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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