Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
