the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
