she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
