One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
