yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
