Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
