dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize