Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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