youre lurking in front of me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
