your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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