You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
