I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
home. puking in laundry basket.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
