i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
