i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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